Its Raining, Its Pouring

Oh, glory days!  It's raining here in Knoxville.  My bright orange umbrella has done its job today, getting me from the parking lot to first classroom, then to the next classroom, then to the third classroom, and now to my office.  In another hour and a half, it will get me to my car.  It's nice here in the office today, with rain gently splashing on the windows and the sounds of the young men down the hall in the "party office."  That's where my GTA partner in crime Matthew is located.  A nicer group of young fellows you may never meet.

This week has had its trials.  I had to skip the Monday lecture on Charlie Chan (yes, the intrepid Chinese detective, always smarter than everyone else, always cool and collected, always with that inscrutable Asianness about him) because my research and writing class had a guest speaker.  While the guest proved interesting, especially in terms of giving us new Ph.D. students some insights into what lies ahead (it ain't pretty), I think I may have preferred learning about what Charlie Chan tells us about Sino-American relations in the 1930s and beyond.  The real downside came when I walked to my car after class on Monday.  Driver's side tire = flat as a pancake.  Luckily, AAA is a nationwide service.  Pretty soon a nice young man came along and put the donut on in place of the tire.  The next day, I got a new tire.  Pretty painless, as far as such things go.

Tuesday, I had coffee with Dr. S. at the nearby Golden Roast.  She truly amazes and inspires.  Down-to-earth, wickedly funny, smart, interesting--she's the whole package.  We had a wonderful talk about how things are going along here at UTK for me, the world of politics, and, of course, history.  She will be an absolute Godsend when I get into the process of researching and writing my dissertation.  Hell, I'd say she's a Godsend right now.

The rest of the week has sort of been downhill.  People out of sorts and acting cranky, me feeling like a dumbbunny in my classes, etc.  Luckily, "my people" take good care of me.  Below is a picture of Adrian, rapidly becoming one of my best buddies here at UTK.  We have all three of our classes together, so there's plenty of opportunity to share information and ideas, as well as to vent to each other when we think we are each the dumbest person in class.

Last night, for the first time, I thought seriously about whether or not I wanted to stay here.  I felt like I just wasn't succeeding, I was tired, there is more work than there are hours in the day (yet, here I sit, blogging).  So, I did what I do when I feel a crisis coming on.  I called my babies.  First I talked with Maddie, then Heidi, then, my oldest boy, Reiner, then back to Maddie.  Voila!  Feeling a little better.  I received a Facebook message from my first UTK friend, Maggie, who brought the wisdom of Grey's Anatomy to my situation.  "You're like Meredith and Christina in episode 3 of the first season," she reminded me.  In other words, I'm still an intern, stumbling around, trying to fit in.  Maggie also reminded me that my entire first year will be like a hazing ritual.  You simply need to get through it, and then things will look at lot brighter.  I can see where's that so true.  Studying so much theory this semester is certainly getting me down, but that won't be the way for most of my time here.  You study theory in the beginning, just at CSUS in the MA program, but eventually you get to the good stuff, the actual history, the research, the writing.

Enough of my existential crisis.  I snapped a few pix today to get my people at home a visual of how things go here.  This next picture is what Volunteer Boulevard looks like between classes--a giant game of Red Rover, Red Rover.

I cross that to get from first discussion section to second, and then back again for third.  Just people EVERYWHERE!

This next photo is of my office here in Dunford.  This is where I spend several hours a week, sometimes working, sometimes talking with my classmates.

Yeah, it looks pretty dull, doesn't it?  One day I'll sneak into the "party office" with my camera and show what an office looks like when the right group shares the space.

And, finally.  My work for today.  Exams, exams, exams, coming out of my ears, needing grading.  The students had to write four identifications and one essay in class.  Thank goodness, the handwriting has not been too bad thus far.  But I'm only halfway done.  Onward and upward....

That's really all the news from here.  Wish me luck for Monday--I have to discuss my research topic in class.  Yikes!!!

With Football on my Television

It's true. The roars from Neyland Stadium reach out from my TV as I write this. The Busch race's monotony proved too much for me, and football acts as a suitable background-noise replacement. While the Vols have the lead now, last week's lesson from Oklahoma shows that early leads don't mean much if they aren't continued on to the end. I'm hopeful, though. 

This week seemed endless--and it was my own fault. I owed a paper to Dr. P. In the theory class, and I couldn't find it in myself to write it until just three hours before class. In the interest of full disclosure, though, I was easily distracted by the Republican debate on Wednesday. It's tough to be a Republican these days, but the debates are not short on entertainment value. 

In addition to the paper and the never-ending books and articles to be read, this week involved grading the 600-750 word papers from the 60 students in my discussion sections. I am pleased to report that there were some A's, lots of B's and C's, a few D's and very few F's. The graded papers were returned on Friday but resulted in only one student at my office hours to discuss the grade given. Most students are, I believe, far more anxious about their first exam this Monday. This will mean more grading for me and my co-GTA, Matthew, but that's why they pay us the big bucks. 

I don't know how I would get through the stresses of GTAing without Matthew. He's the personification of the well-bred Southern boy. A little shy at first, he has a wonderful smile, excellent manners, and a quick wit that seems so at odds with his innocent personae. We lean on each other for support and have even planned a trip to the Hermitage for later this fall. Why the Hermitage?  Because it will take the spirit of Ol' Hickory to see us through the semester. 

The Gender History class of Dr. S. continues to fascinate. In this class on Thursday, I had an actual epiphany.  I mean an out-loud, exclamation-of-delight type of epiphany. We had read some Foucault--always a nightmare--but Dr. S. cleverly used the white board to create some images to help explain the work of this inexplicable Frenchman.  Then, to my astonishment, Dr. S. demonstrated how it related to Gail Bederman's Manliness and Civilization!  That was when the epiphany happened, that amazing moment when Foucault made sense. I will never be the same again!  

Friday night saw my first evening social outing here in Knoxville. In my research/writing seminar, the students are beginning to form ideas for just what we will research and write. I visited Dr. H. to discuss my idea this week, and, to my surprise, he's going to make me tackle my subject (history textbooks) from a much deeper perspective and more sophisticated approach than I ever imagined. Here's hoping I can bring that level of brain power!!

Anyway, my classmates will soon be meeting with Dr. H. as well.  We decided it would be a good idea to get together outside of school and talk things over. It started as a plan to go out for a couple of beers, but Lindsey's roommate has been dying to cook for people. So, last night, I joined a few of my pals at Lindsey's adorable little house for chips, dips, beers, sweet tea, burgers, and brats. The talking and laughing, combined with the yummy food, made for a really fun evening. As Yvette reminded me today, I always love being with "my people."

Today, I had plans to clean my tiny flat, maybe go out and buy a bed. I've been able instead to clean up my desk, put things in binders, and do the dishes. And I'm out. Football game, tacos, Diet Coke, a handful of M&Ms, and I should be ready for a long night's sleep. 

Knighty-knight from Knoxville!

Tough Week

The week didn't start out well. 

On Sunday I got the call I had been dreading for days--my wonderful, intelligent, humorous friend, Anita, had left us. After decades of fighting the fragility of her body with her tremendous strength of will, she finally succumbed. Even now, nearly a week later, I'm still in some disbelief that she's gone. I have gone to classes and studied and worked on setting up my tiny flat, but I constantly find myself learning new bits of information I know she would enjoy. It was always that way with she and I. We would learn something new and immediately want to share it. 

Anita never lost her curiosity, her wonder, her love of learning, her sense of humor, and her incredible wit. I was so lucky to have enjoyed her friendship while I did. And I'm comforted to believe that she'll never be that far away as long as I take a page from her book and be a life-long enthusiastic learner myself. 

I wish I could tell Anita about today. My classes had to turn in their first papers of the semester, an analysis of a pretty thin book on the Salem Witch Trials.  And yesterday, the excuses began clogging my email. "I'm sick," "my computer crashed," "I can't print," and "I lost my book."  As the emails kept rolling in, I began to see the humor. I'd heard from other TA's and teachers about this phenomenon, but seeing it for myself simply tickled me. Seriously, there's nothing new under the sun. Anita would have laughed with me over these undergrad antics!

This weekend will find me all caught up in more school stuff. I've got papers to grade, books to read. A wonderful discussion with Dr. H. this afternoon about the paper I'll be writing for his research-writing seminar proved to be quite eye-opening. I'm not an M.A. student any more and UT is no CSUS. It's time to really stretch the limits of my historical imagination, to dig deeper into my sources than ever before, and to craft arguments that are so much more sophisticated than anything I've done in the past. Just how far can my brain stretch?  I guess I'm going to find out.